My Birthday

My birthday was yesterday; I'm now 51. It's weird that I was born on that particular day. You see, to the Jews, it's not just any ol' day. No, I was born on Nov 9, 1958, 20 yrs to the day that 'Kristallnacht' changed the nature of persecution from economic, political, and social...to the physical...with beatings, incarceration, and murder. The event is often referred to as the beginning of the Holocaust.

The incident was originally referred to as 'die Kristallnacht' (literally "crystal night" or the "night of the broken glass"), alluding to the enormous number of shop windows (mostly at Jewish-owned stores) that were broken that night.

It's weird that I was born on such a sad day. I'm sure it was a very, painful reminder to my parents, because many members of our family died in the Holocaust. Sometimes, I wonder if my birth occuring on that particular day was part of God's sense of humor (yes, he has one, obviously) or was there some sort of significance in 'His' mind which 'He' chose not to share with me? I don't know, but I have to admit, I find it interesting that 'He' picked that particular time for my birth. It certainly can make one go 'hmm'.

Anyway, enough of the history lesson. Back to my birthday. I, realize not everyone looks forward to their birthday, but I really enjoy mine; not because of gifts, but because of the fact that I learn more each year, which is something I like doing. As far as gifts, well...there was a time I hoped to receive something 'physical' from others of this world. And, here and there, in the past, I have received a few of those from several people.

This year, I received nothing from anyone I knew. But, to be honest, I really don't mind. You see, I feel like 'He' gave me all I needed, and then some. In fact, I have often wondered what 'human' gift could compare to that which 'He' has already given me?

This particular birthday is even more special to me. You see, I'm still here! The diagnosis that I received from the doctor, about two years ago, was pretty grim. Nonetheless, this amazing God made sure I'm still around, and he made sure that I'm not suffering too much which is something I'm very grateful for. Rarely, am I overwhelmed with uncomfortability. Most days, my physical pain is minimal, and I've learned to dance around many of the triggers of my diseases, even though they can change swiftly.

As long as I'm not around people for too many hours, I can usually maintain a fairly normal appearance, at least, so far. My biggest problems are with air quality, stress, tiredness, or if I don't eat enough. Regardless, God has been very kind to keep those to a minimum for me, thankfully.

'He' also gave me a few wonderful gifts this year; nothing anyone could see, obviously. 'He' gave me sight to see within another's heart and no wrapping was needed. ;) 'He' also gave me an ability to hear past that which was said. It didn't come in a box, but the gift was wonderful, nonetheless. Additionally, 'He' taught me to look even further than I was doing. And, lately, 'He's' been working on my ability to listen closer for what 'He' wants me to know.

He's also allowed me to see things, albeit, many of them, come via my dreams. Sometimes, 'He' shows me these things as a normal aspect of life; things I've 'asked' to be able to see. 'He' never ceases to amaze me. That's for sure!

And, my ability to understand the last gifts 'He' gave me, they've grown in leaps and bounds. So, for that, I'm especially grateful.

Obviously, gifts are wonderful, but if you don't have the knowledge and wisdom that go along with those gifts, they're kind of useless. I guess one could compare it to getting a new battery powered toy and not having any batteries. :(

I've even learned to control some of the gifts a bit more, and I've come to realize how some are powered (so to speak). My prayers are answered almost immediately, now, which still blows my mind. Sometimes, I have to be careful of what I ask for, though, because I've learned that 'He' can be very exact in 'His' answers.

Over this past year, 'He's' shown me that 'He's' not quite as exact as 'He' once was with me, when 'He' was trying to teach me certain things. I'm a quick learner, thankfully. I'm very glad that those lessons are over, because they tended to be a bit more painful.

I believe that one of the things 'He' attempts to teach people is how to listen to him. With me, 'He' taught me how to listen 'closer' to 'His' words. 'He' also taught me how to understand when 'He's' speaking to my heart. I've found that I can understand him a lot better, now...at least, most times. However, 'He's' a very complex being, so it's easy to miss something 'He' wants me to comprehend. Thus, I have to be very careful to look a lot deeper than most.

There are also times where 'He' will really let me have it, if I miss a beat, or don't do/say what 'He' wants. I've found that out, over and over again. My biggest problem is when 'He' wants me to communicate' something 'He' wants them to know. Those are the times I hate most, because it can make me feel very different. And, I'm sure 'He' knows that.

In addition, I've become well aware, especially over the last year, that others have a lot of difficulty seeing and hearing what 'He' wants. I've also noted that those who have come closer to him, either via an illness or a close call to death, appear to have a 'similar' connection...at least when they look for it. 

It also appears that many can't understand the gifts unless they live them, and since they don't understand them, they can easily fear them. Thankfully, 'He's' taught me 'why' they can't understand them. Heck, there was a time that I didn't understand them, either. So, I really feel empathy for those that can't.

It's funny how 'He' sends people to explain some of the things to me that I don't understand, myself. It helps me to learn how to use the gifts in the manner 'He' wants. Sometimes, I just have to let go and watch 'Him' in action.

Then, there are those uncomfortable times that I'm guided to speak (sort of). He knows I'm a really lousy speaker, though. And, as I said before, that's the part I hate! You see, what comes out of my mouth can be taken many ways. Words can be twisted into something that resembles a very, large pretzel, unfortunately, and since I'm speaking on a level that many haven't arrived at, yet, well...it can get sticky, at those times. :(

Anyway, 'He' is very exact as to how things are to be said, and the timing is really important, too. So, if I miss even one beat, the person will automatically misunderstand, or they'll fall back on an 'old' perception that's incorrect. And, once that happens, well, let's just say, I end up with the short end of the stick, but it's only temporary, so I don't really mind.

When 'He' uses me to say something, I seem to be sent in almost as a doorway. I don't understand how it 'all' works, but let's just say, 'He' causes the person's mind to be opened a bit more. 'He' also tends to send others to interfere with my communications, if he doesn't want me to speak, yet. I simply won't get the words out, completely. It's really weird how it all works, but I've come to understand when I'm supposed to speak and when I'm not (usually), although I've found that I can still mess that part up too, hehe.

Of course, since I'm very human, my sensitive heart can tend to hurt if 'where' 'He' wants me, changes too quickly. Think about losing touch with everyone you know, in an instant. Naturally, 'He' knows that, so 'He's' as gentle as a new born babe when 'He' switches me from one place to another, to do 'His' next bidding. Over the years, I've 'really' learned what it means to be a servant to all. That was a lesson in itself!

I have to admit, I find it all very interesting and intriguing. It's sort of a weird dance 'He's' taught me to do. I go in, watch his actions take place, listen to the hearts of others, pray for them, back off, and watch his actions take place all over again. Sometimes, I even get to tell them ahead of time, because 'He' shows me the things he wants them to know, and hopefully, they open their hearts and listen.

I don't know why 'He' doesn't just show them, 'himself'. I can only assume that 'He' chooses to approach them in a way that they can understand or accept the answers. Maybe it's just easier for people to accept things from other humans? I don't know, and I don't claim to know, but whatever the case, I trust 'His' decisions 100%.

It's even cooler when the situation unfolds, though, as that's when people can 'see' the miracles occurring. And, of course, that's when they change their tunes, too. If the idea is the same as 'He's' taught me, 'He' does this to take them to a new level; one which they didn't know existed. They end up seeing this little miracle that draws them on a path which leads them to what I would consider is disclosure of something they never knew...and that, ultimately leads them to depend on him, as opposed to themselves. In the long run, the path leads them closer to 'Him'. And, once they get to where 'He' wants them to be, their trust in 'Him' becomes greater, and that turns into a deeper service (sort of).

He also granted me another gift that I almost forgot about. I learned how to be able to look into someone's eyes, and tell when this magical miracle clicks into place. It's an awesome sight to behold, indeed! When that happens, I just smile. People recognize 'Him' which is really cool. What they don't know, though, is it's all because of their own strength of belief...and a seed 'He' planted.

Once it's all said and done, he removes me, puts me in another place, and I get to do the dance all over again. I get to touch other peoples' lives in a way that they're not even aware of. Maybe I shouldn't say, "'I' get to touch." In reality, 'He' does the 'actual' touching. I just get to (what I would consider) open the door a bit, while 'He' walks in. hehe. ;)

I think my favorite part is when the 'surprise' unfolds and the package opens, because their belief increases ten fold over. What a miracle to behold; it's simply amazing!

Sometimes, I wonder how many 'He' uses in this same manner? Maybe, 'He' will answer that one day, too. I guess we'll see, eh?

Anyway, all in all, it's been a happy birthday for me. I've grown in leaps and bounds. And, the gifts...well, I guess one could say that I'm very blessed, because 'He' took the time to teach me what 'He' wanted me to know, and 'He' gave me some very special gifts that help me to understand life and what 'He' wants of me. What an awesome God, and what an awesome birthday!

angel